Shiva Call

In the Jewish religion, after the burial of a loved one, family members choose to observe a traditional period of grief and mourning referred to as Sitting Shiva for generally a period of 7 days. Visitors of all religions are expected to observe certain guidelines while paying a Shiva Call. 

What to Expect:

• Mirrors may be covered. It is a tradition for men and women to not worry about their appearance during the week of mourning.
• Immediate family members may be wearing a torn black ribbon or a torn piece of clothing. This is done to symbolize their broken hearts.
• Immediate family members may be sitting on low seats or possibly the floor in socks or slippers. This is done to symbolize the emotional reality that they are “brought low” by the grief.
• A tall candle may be burning. This candle burns for 7 days, throughout the period of Shiva, and is a symbol of remembrance of the deceased.

What to Do:

• Find the Right Time to Visit. Check with friends of family for the right times to visit at the end of the funeral service. Avoid visiting on Shabbat (Friday at sundown to Saturday at sundown)
• Dress Appropriately. Often people dress as if they were attending a service, but others dress informally depending on location.
• Wash Hands. A pitcher of water, a basin, and towels will be located near the door. It is tradition to wash hands upon entering the house straight from the cemetery.
• Just Walk In. The front door will usually be unlocked. This eliminates the need for the mourners to answer the door and the distractions from the doorbell sounds.
• Provide Food. Arrange for food to be sent to the house. If you bring food, bring it directly to the kitchen (often there is someone there to take it). Often sweets or desserts are brought.
• Find the Mourner. Allow the mourner to initiate conversation. Simply offer a hug, a kiss, a handshake or an arm around the shoulder for comfort.
• Talk to Friends. It is very possible that you will see people you know when paying a Shiva Call and you can feel comfortable to speak to them as well.
• Don’t Overstay Your Visit. Usually the appropriate amount of time to pay a Shiva Call is an hour. Try not to stay too long, it may put undue strain on the mourners.